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Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Haze's Positive 7

WARNING! This is an inane post. Your IQ will diminish by 5 points after reading this, heh!

Since the Indonesian Sumatra-exported haze has become a regular scene, we should take a look at this positively.

Positive 1: Geography book updates on Haze Season
There has been too many Super A achievers in the recent years. So many that our public universities can't take them into medicine and all those super status faculties. Something must be done about this. So why don't we add something new to the geography books to test them further in SPM or STPM? We already have the monsoon season, so let's include a Haze season too. Coupled with the hazy air, I am sure there won't be so many super A achievers liao....

Positive 2: Petronas Twin Towers - tallest building in the world
The haze is super bad today. Quick! Go fly in someone authoritative to measure the height of Twin Towers. We can easily claim to be the tallest building in the world. The peak is so blardy high that we can't even see it. Wow. Since we are at it, let's claim that the Twin Towers is 5km high....

Positive 3: More profits for Tenaga
With the haze, air-cond usage sure go damn high one, and that means more profits for Tenaga! Quick! Go buy a few lots of TNB shares....

Positive 4: Get into the aircond and air ioniser business
Sell sell sell! Go claim that your air-cond can make the hazy air into fresh air with the patented KUTUK technology. Air ionisers for the house! Sure Heboh one! You will be the instant popular guy on the block. All the neighbours wanna come to your house to watch TV....

Positive 4: More profits from increased retail price of almost everything
Yes! When the haze comes, can use this as an excuse for almost anything. Don't believe? Go fly over to Wingz, hehehe. Now, where was I? Ah yes! Get into the retail business. Increase increase increase! Anything can increase. Say lar vegetables cannot come down from Cameron Highlands lar, coz lorry tak nampak jalan. Say lar your ship cannot dock coz they have closed North Port. Better still, say that the planes cannot land! (even though they have computerised landing guidance systems). Wahlaueh, sure money spinner one....

Positive 5: Get into crime, can disappear into haze
Yes, crime is a bumper hit this hazy season. No need to engage all those smoke bombs to camouflage your escape. Let this mega man made "natural" wonder take of that for you. Go! Curi as much as you can! This mega-curi season comes only once a year. Quick! Go tell your brothers from seberang. Come here in boats then cabut balik in the haze. Easy money bang....

Positive 6: Sex in the open
Forget about hotels and kancils (a classic Viewtru post). Go do it in the open (another classic Viewtru post)! Quite sure the cameras cannot capture your sex-ercise one. Even if someone did, that picture will be very hazy one. Gerenti worse quality than that flight stewardess VCD.....

Positive 7: Claim to be a sensitive man
Girls dig sensitive men. Don't believe me? Go ask my friend, the Hustler. For a 2nd opinion, go ask Ah-Pek. Anyway, gerenti there will be girls who dig sensitive men. If you are not sensitive and wanna break into this market, then this is the best time. Take such a girl for a walk, jalan-jalan at Midvalley Megamall or something like that. And when you are near an open air area, go reveal something touching about your past. Make believe one also can, just touching cukup liao. And then get your eyes moist moist. With this hazy season, very easy to get moist moist puppy eyes. Wahlaueh, go reap that girl's soft spot for you....

Shit! 10.30am liao. Must get back to work.... Nevermind, Positive 7 sounds good, yes? We have Seven Swords, Seven Habits, Magnificent 7, Seven Samurais... heck! I am with good company.

Belacans says... "My IQ is immeasurable....damn, I should be in the gahmen."

14 comments:

Jason said...

-lol-

Belacans, why not we come up with a business plan for opening a business like

1) Selling Fresh Oxygen Tank and
2) Fresh Oxygen Bar

Justin K C Yap said...

It's getting worst and now seems like there is a kid starting to protest this issue on the blog line. try to drop in my blog and see if u might join in as well

Wingz said...

oi i got sell car ionizer wei !!! who want buy? come cheap cheap!!!

Ah Pek said...

go sell kotex! why? bcos all the face mask also out of stock. kotex somemore better.

Lucia Lai said...

inane it may be but witty and funny. yes, let's look at the bright side of the haze!

Che-Cheh said...

I am suffocating. We are wearing mask in the office! Arrgghhh

I like the orange sky though. So surreal.

oliviasy said...

my IQ down 4 points only lah :P how how?

Inevitable said...

The haze is killing me ... running nose, sore throat, sleepy eye

fishtail said...

Start a chap fan delivery service; everyone is staying home and ordering food (Pizza Hut boss is laughing all the way to the bank).

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
twinsmom said...

echo jason, how about handy oxygen tin?
or special make for baby wan got DHA fortified?

viewtru said...

Wah.....writing funny inane stuff now, issit? I think maybe I also change direction and start serious posts now! Oh, BTW, the last comment by anonymous could be a spam.

Belacan said...

Jason: LOL, buden hor, human can take 22% oxegen only wor. more or less than that can feel giddy one ler. ;)

justin: thanks!

wingz: ionisers? good, err got free sample or not? hehehe

ahpek: wahpiangeh! like tat oso can ar? LOL!

lucia: try too, but can see the sun. LOL!

che-cheh: oh man, my nose getting dry now. sob sob :(

oliviasy: only 4? ok, i give you more inane post. gerenti IQ lagi decrease! bwahahaha!

fishtail: wait! i got better wan. how about home/office delivery for face mask? muahahar!

twinsmom: and make one ada fragrance wan! woohoo!

viewtru: but i always take your posts seriously mar.... ;)

Anonymous said...

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