Becoming the man in her life (Part 1)

Note: A few key posts from my previous blog are still residing in my harddisk, so once in a while I will put them here as a record, hoping not to loose this blog too.

In the dog-eat-dog world of marketing and sales, we always hear the mantra "Know your customers". Similarly, in the army it's "Know thy enemies and your strengths". So in the world of Buaya's, could it be "Know your prey/mate"? Actually, there are many Buaya books around, but the few good ones that I have read are:

* Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - Dr John Gray (website is www.marsvenus.com)

* Intended for Pleasure - Ed and Gaye Wheat

I am sure there are more Buaya books (such as Sarong Party Girls series), but I guess the above two should give beginner Buaya's a good theoretical head start.

A Buaya's hunting season is really a fun season. You get your creative juices (and also wallet) to work, dreaming up fantastic Buaya emotional traps and hooks. But today, I shall blog about the post-hunting situation, i.e. you are married/attached to your mate!

A good Buaya has to know the needs, likes, dislikes, aspirations and desperations of his intended mate, right? But we normally fall short at the most important question, which is "What does she want of me?"

Some background information on my marriage. The first 3 years of my marriage was HELL, yup, in bold capital letters. We almost divorced, and spoke openly about it many, many times. Sometimes after an emotionally draining debate/argument, I would sleep on the couch and leave her alone in the bedroom. I know my wife cried herself to sleep because the pillow was wet the next morning (yeah, Buaya69 was BAD).

Worse, our 1st girl Suzanne was born during this tough period. The reason we didn't divorce was because I held on to the promises of our marriage vows before God, and made a decision not to divorce, no matter how painful it was. I am glad we didn't chicken out of the marriage and our relationship has been so much stronger and loving since. God must have worked His hands on us.

Anyway, the turning point of my marriage wasn't my wife kowtow-ing/submitting to me and obeying my every whims and fanciful commands, but really it was of me finally understanding what she really wanted. My wife just wanted a Man in her life!

Here is my understanding of how to be the Man in her life (sharing own experience):

1. Decide to love my wife:

Our modern social culture learned from the idiot box that love is an emotional experience. If you don't FEEL love, that means you are not in love. What a fallacy!

Very soon into my marriage, we both didn't feel that much passion like it used to be. You see, feelings come and go (just like erections). Deep down in my heart and conscience, I know that true love is a giving experience where you willingly decide to love someone. I decided to give my love to my wife, and disregarded the feelings of love that come and go. I think this decision is the cornerstone of my marriage. If I had not decided to love my wife and stick to the marriage, I would likely end up in a life scarring divorce statistic.

Just a side note, it is very easy to compare your wife to other women - don't fall into that hole. If you do, get out quickly. She can just as easily compare me to other men! And I wouldn't have liked that, right?

Anyway, when I have decided to give my love to her, my wife started to change too because she now knew that she has my love. That's what she wanted, my love. It can only get better henceforth. (You may say that that decision begets a marriage. Yes, true but it needs to be reaffirmed during a marriage, see?)

to be continued