Thursday, April 14, 2005

Becoming the man in her life (Part 1)

Note: A few key posts from my previous blog are still residing in my harddisk, so once in a while I will put them here as a record, hoping not to loose this blog too.

In the dog-eat-dog world of marketing and sales, we always hear the mantra "Know your customers". Similarly, in the army it's "Know thy enemies and your strengths". So in the world of Buaya's, could it be "Know your prey/mate"? Actually, there are many Buaya books around, but the few good ones that I have read are:

* Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - Dr John Gray (website is www.marsvenus.com)

* Intended for Pleasure - Ed and Gaye Wheat

I am sure there are more Buaya books (such as Sarong Party Girls series), but I guess the above two should give beginner Buaya's a good theoretical head start.

A Buaya's hunting season is really a fun season. You get your creative juices (and also wallet) to work, dreaming up fantastic Buaya emotional traps and hooks. But today, I shall blog about the post-hunting situation, i.e. you are married/attached to your mate!

A good Buaya has to know the needs, likes, dislikes, aspirations and desperations of his intended mate, right? But we normally fall short at the most important question, which is "What does she want of me?"

Some background information on my marriage. The first 3 years of my marriage was HELL, yup, in bold capital letters. We almost divorced, and spoke openly about it many, many times. Sometimes after an emotionally draining debate/argument, I would sleep on the couch and leave her alone in the bedroom. I know my wife cried herself to sleep because the pillow was wet the next morning (yeah, Buaya69 was BAD).

Worse, our 1st girl Suzanne was born during this tough period. The reason we didn't divorce was because I held on to the promises of our marriage vows before God, and made a decision not to divorce, no matter how painful it was. I am glad we didn't chicken out of the marriage and our relationship has been so much stronger and loving since. God must have worked His hands on us.

Anyway, the turning point of my marriage wasn't my wife kowtow-ing/submitting to me and obeying my every whims and fanciful commands, but really it was of me finally understanding what she really wanted. My wife just wanted a Man in her life!

Here is my understanding of how to be the Man in her life (sharing own experience):

1. Decide to love my wife:

Our modern social culture learned from the idiot box that love is an emotional experience. If you don't FEEL love, that means you are not in love. What a fallacy!

Very soon into my marriage, we both didn't feel that much passion like it used to be. You see, feelings come and go (just like erections). Deep down in my heart and conscience, I know that true love is a giving experience where you willingly decide to love someone. I decided to give my love to my wife, and disregarded the feelings of love that come and go. I think this decision is the cornerstone of my marriage. If I had not decided to love my wife and stick to the marriage, I would likely end up in a life scarring divorce statistic.

Just a side note, it is very easy to compare your wife to other women - don't fall into that hole. If you do, get out quickly. She can just as easily compare me to other men! And I wouldn't have liked that, right?

Anyway, when I have decided to give my love to her, my wife started to change too because she now knew that she has my love. That's what she wanted, my love. It can only get better henceforth. (You may say that that decision begets a marriage. Yes, true but it needs to be reaffirmed during a marriage, see?)

to be continued


Wingz said...

BRAVO!! BRAVO!!! i'd been kahwinED 3 yrs too by this June, I guessed we all have our ups and downs. The key to a good marriage is "acceptane" rather than "giving in". Will blog bout that one fine day hehe... but today i wanna blog about comparison :P

fishtail said...

Hey man, welcome back! Thought we lost you forever, but ... once a blogger, always a blogger :)

narrowband said...

Feelings come and go. I like that, you couldn't have worded it better. And you likened it to erections, also very apt! (=pP)

It's usually the case - As time goes by, the initial burnin' flame fades off and that's when a different 'approach to love' really kicks in (no longer the "endless-erotica-nights" marathon craze).

Heck, what do know about these - My time belum tiba yet. But hey, Belacan Times shall be one of my guides-to-a-happy-family digest.

Jason said...

Its that part of the meaning of "True Love"?

jolll said...

Hello there, Have been reading your blog, and then I realised: "Eureka! Buaya=Belacan!!"

Hope I am not being too inquisitive here, and I know I am writing off track here.. But why did u close down Buaya's Blog? It was such an entertaining blog..

Anonymous said...

"Anyway, when I have decided to give my love to her, my wife started to change too because she now knew that she has my love. That's what she wanted, my love"

Not many man out there knows that what a woman want is just 2 Ls, your Love and Loyalty


Mama22Beas said...

Either Buaya or Belacan, both also makes my day at work rosier with his words.

Anyway, I thought my feeling to hubby would make all things right. Now, 4 year down the road, I realised that we just got to work on it. Initially, it was tough...and I thought the beginning of a marriage should be the sweetest...how could I go wrong.

Pantani's 2nd Cousin said...

the chanting in the background


SleekBlackMercedes said...

Yup, you da man bro!!! Glad buaya's backkk!!! :)

CherryChocolateCandy said...

You're so right. What a woman wants is to feel loved. And sometimes feeling it is not enough. I can feel love oozing out of my bf for me but I still want him to tell me that he loves me. Women just need reassurance. They want to feel secure. Thats the reason why women like to be hugged - to feel a sense of security only a man can bring.

Yuen Li said...

Oi, how come I had to find out from other sources? :p

Saffron said...

This was one of my favourite posts of yours. Should start saving every post to notepad in case you pull your I-deleted-my-blog trick again.

Lazy bugger, recycling posts. ;)

Jasontan said...

Stephen Covey wrote about love in that manner as well. It was an eye-opener to me, too.

sabre23t said...

Nice story Mr Belacan. The early years of my 2o+ years of marriage were tough too, except the first year when we were still studying. ;-)

regards, sabre23t =^.^=

SiaoChaBoa said...

Very chim.. belachan.. ;) but so well said.. ;)

vagus said...

Interesting blog. Thought provoking

Belacan said...

wahlaueh! so many comments! :)

wingz: ya,ya. go blog about your kahwin stories. me KPC mah ;)

fishtail: thanks uncle fish ;)

shan: hehe, your time will come. one day i will blog about arguments! sure best seller one, hehehe ;)

jason: maybe... i am still learning too

jolll: hope everyone don't mind if i dun say much about the reasons. anyway, life goes on and i am still blogging! except as Belacans ler ;)

Belacan said...

SK: actually, i think many men know about the 2L's but sometimes their actions are ruled by their other "head" :)

mama2: like gold, things will be better after it's been thru the fire ;)

theroadie: roadieroadieroadieroadie ;)

hustler: hey bro. no ler, the Buaya's dead, got cincang into tiny bits and became a BELACAN! :LOL:

cherry: you are right, but bear in mind the hugs may dwindle with time coz of the "take for granted" syndrome, but that doesn't mean he does not love you. it's just, well... men! i will blog about that next time ;)

YuenLi: eh? you didn't know? ok, next time i buy you kopi and yu-char-kueh ;)

Belacan said...

saffron: arrgh! she saw thru my laziness! hehehe ;)

jasontan: ya, ya, now tat you mentioned it, he did say that :)

sabre: i once wondered "why bother?" but then, we would have been like animals if we didn't. how true.. got to WORK to make a marriage work ;)

MrsT: izzit? tq tq

vagus_n: thanks, and tq for commenting

mumsgather said...

They say the first 3 years is the toughest. Me coming to 4th year this year. Tough tough yes it is and you may have stumbled onto the magic potion lah. Clever man MrB. Bottle up your concept and sell it and Buaya jadi kaya.

Lollies said...

HELLO belacan

Yup sometimes you think the grass is greener on the other side and you keep focussing on that o ne but fail to realise the flower that you have.

mystic said...

That's a good one. Like Jason said, is that "true love" and there is such thing as "true love"???

5xmom ~chanlilian.net~ said...

Wah...I regretted never really finish reading the old Buaya69's blog. And now ada siaran ulangan. Bestnya! Recycle more, more, more. Can compare notes.

Yuen Li said...

Kopi and yu-char-kueh? Oh, all is forgiven then. Don't forget, ah. ;)

the jamie said...

I’m strong, independent woman in my professional life. I don’t need a man to feed me. But, I still need a man to love me and that I could love. And yes, Belacan, we [women] need the love...